Postby Hasbeen » 01 Dec 2008 02:05
Deb, I'm sorry, as doctor hasbeen I have diagnosed your complaint
as "7 Up Disease". This is an insidious disease, which aflicts a
small number of people, but at least you have to drive something
nice to contract the ailment. The main symptoms are a silly grin, &
a constant state of euphoria. Sufferers tend to ignore the opinions
of all others, & have a pervading belief that they know best.
It has only one known cure, & that is to contract "Posers Disease".
These people have no confidence in their own opinion, [if in fact
they have any], & depend on those of others. They tend to drive
things with names like BMW, Ferrari, Porsche, etc, not because they
think they are good cars, [they wouldn't know anyway], but because
of the response the names have upon many others, with a similar
complaint. You do not need this cure.
There are a couple of other stages of your disease. One is the "Oh
My God" syndrome. This is manifest by sufferers shouting oh my god,
when ever another car gets within about 50 yards of theirs. It often
appears just after the sufferers car has returned to the road, after
some time at the painters. Usually disappears after the first dozen
or so, stone chips. I fear that PeterTR7V8 will be to suffering a
bout of this for the next few months.
Another is the "Fangio/Boy Racer" stage. Here we find the sufferer,
thundering past completely inoffensive modern hatch backs, using
very high revs, & muttering things like "silly old fart", even
though the said hatch driver may be many years their junior. It
generally occures in those who have recently spent money on GO FAST
bits, or a tune up, for their car. It is accompanied by a
consioderable increase in fuel consumption. It can also appear in
those who have had their TR8 at the painters for some months. My 7s
fuel consumption is dreadful at the moment. The only treatment for
this symptom is a couple of hundred miles, [kilometres are no good
for this problem], behind the wheel of theirs, or someone else's,
moderately tuned, TR8.
There is an extension of your "7 up" Deb. That is when the sufferer
has spent much money on a full overhaul of all things mechanical in
their car. You find them driving gently down the road, radio turned
off, euphoric grin in place, actually listening to the lack of noise
comming from their gearbox/engine/diff, which ever was the most
noisy previously. I'm afraid this state is terminal. It is best to
avoid the problem by never having your 7 is such a good condition to
induce the symptom in the first place.
Hasbeen
